


Walking Hand in Hand

by Shadow_Ravena



Category: Log Horizon
Genre: Depression, Gen, Multiple Personalities, Multiple Selves, Original Character(s), Original Character-centric, Slice of Life, Starting Over, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Video Game Mechanics, Virtual Reality, ish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-07 19:31:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13441755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Ravena/pseuds/Shadow_Ravena
Summary: A flash of light, and in an instant a girl found her old live disappeared, replaced by the fantastical world of Elder Tale. Finding herself in a strange place, she tries to find her feet- only to find she has not one set, but two. She had been playing as both Amaya and Maya, and now found herself as one mind with two bodies.As she struggles to live life in these new bodies and new world, the girl also struggles to quiet the demons of her past, demons which threaten to consume her and drag her down. Struggling to find a reason to live in this new world, a justification of her pathetic existence, the girl nearly succumb to despair.But a thought tugs at her- what about others like her, others lost in despair? Picking herself up, the girl resolves to take others by the hand, and help them to live the life they wish. No longer alone, the players walk forward towards the future, walking hand in hand.





	1. Finding Yourself

* _Flash*_

A figure lay on the ground, blinking up at the sky. What just happened? She was playing  _Elder Tale_ a moment ago... why was she outside? She could feel a soft summer breeze ruffle her fur, and she could see greenery in the edge of her vision.

She stood up, and immediately tripped over her feet, putting her paw out to stop it- wait, paw?!

She got up and looked down. Her feet were almost normal, but distinctly smaller and more paw-like. She put a hand to her face, and felt the fur there, her pointed ears. "What the  _funk_ is going on?!" she said, starting to panic.

She twirled around again, and realization hit her like a ton of bricks. She was in Akihabara. She was  _in_ the game. What the  _heck_ was happening?!

She started to breathe heavily, then forced herself to calm down. It wasn't the end of the world. She was alive, at least. In a different world, a different body, but alive. She chuckled weakly. "At least I'm in the city," she said.

She closed her eyes and recalled where she'd been. The Depth of the Palm farming the rat-man living there. She couldn't get any experience as a level 53 Assassin, but she'd been playing with her alt., a level 38 Druid who desperately needed some extra help. 

A shooting pain ran through her skull when she thought of Maya, her alt., and her vision suddenly blacked out.

 

_*Flash*_

Maya lay on the ground, blinking at the harsh sunlight. _Dwarves aren't supposed to be in the light_ she grumbled. Wait, dwarves?!

Her eyes flew open and she stumbled to her feet. Wait- why was she so short?!

She looked down, and saw a round, portly body, barely the size of a child. What was going on?!

She looked up and around at the moss-covered ruin, and it hit her. Akihabara. She was in  _Akihabara_.

What was going on?!

She stared around her, struggling to control her breathe. Okay. Okay. She could do this. She put a hand to her head and thought. 

Right, she'd been playing  _Elder Tale_ , farming in the Depth of the Palm. She tilted her head, wondering what her HP was. It was nearly gone a moment ago...

Thinking hard, she tried to remember what story characters always did to activate the menu. Swipe down...?

Instantly a menu appeared in front of her. To her relief, her health was back up to normal. She checked her inventory next- yep, she had everything.

She looked around, and say hundreds of other players freaking out at the sudden change. Oddly enough, a strange calm was on her. So what if she was in the game? It was better than her regular life...

Something was bugging her, tugging at the back of her head. Hadn't see been playing as Amaya when the transition happened...?

Suddenly a flash of pain blinded her, and she felt herself slipping away...

 

Amaya came to, stumbling a bit, holding her pounding head.  _OW, that hurts!_ she thought, rubbing her head. She looked around, trying to orient herself. Yep, she was in a random street- but a different one. She looked around, trying to find a landmark. She needed to meet up with... herself... and figure out  _what the bloody hell was going on_. 

She lurched to her fight, trying desperately to walk without falling. But in only a moment she tripped over her feet and fell face-forward into the moss stone, accidentally opening her menu at the same time. She looked at it- yep, same old menu. Suddenly, her eyes lit up. She had an extra staff in there! It'd been a drop she'd kept and kept forgetting to put in the guild bank so Maya could use it.

She smiled when she glanced over at her guild name. The Problem Solvers. Not entirely accurate, but hey, it worked. A guild of two, existing solely so she and Maya could trade. 

 _Well there worse reasons_ she thought with amusement.

 

She selected the weapon, and used it to help stand up. It'd take her some time to get used to walking on her toes and balancing with her tail, and for now a walking stick would be helpful.

She peered around, and decided to go to the Silverleaf Tree in the center of town. It was an easy enough landmark, and easier to see than the Guild Hall. 

She reached the Tree without incident, dodging the freaking out players. She did frown when she saw some of them harassing the People of the Land- from their responses, they were obvious some level of sentient, much more so than NPCs. She knew enough programming for that...

Eventually, she reached the tree. She spotted some other players gathering there as well- an armored man and a mage. They didn't look like they were freaking out either, which was good. Amaya was glad at least some of us were keeping a level head. 

She walked around to the other side of the tree, sat down, and closed her eyes. She wanted to appear to be sleeping, instead of just staring off into space. Mentally she reached out, and felt a familiar shooting pain...

 

Maya opened her eyes, and looked around. Her head pounded, and the bright sunlight made the migraine even worse. She hoped switching like this wouldn't always cause this pain, but she didn't know...

Looking around, she spied the Great Tree in the distance.  _Far_ distance. She was nearer the outskirts of town, surrounded by abandoned and falling apart buildings. Making sure she could see the tree, Maya started off towards it.

 

She walked along, oblivious to the world, until suddenly a player ran into her. "Oy!" she said, "Watch where you're going!"

The guy simply leered at her, then said, "Hey there little lady, where you going?"

"Uh, none of your business?" she tried to walk around him, but he moved to block her. "Hey, get outta my way!" 

He shook his head. "Naahh. I think I wanna get to know you a little better first," he said, leaning down to be at eye level with her.

Maya started to swing her arm to punch him, then stopped, remembering the guards. They would kill her if she fought... and who knew if dying was permanent here? It wasn't worth the risk...

The guy just straightened up and laughed. "That's right, you can't fight! So just come with me," he said, reaching out to grab her arm.

Maya dodged to the side, then darted past him, tripping him as he tried to turn. He fell over, then cursed her out as she ran away. "Just try to run you bitch, you can't go far!"

 

As she ran away, she thought, _That was close_ she thought.  _Good thing trips aren't combat..._

That fact surprised her. What was combat in this game? The attacks? Or would a regular punch count? ...it wasn't worth the risk to check. She'd have to keep her eyes out....

 

She ran through the rest of the city, amazed at her character's endurance- it was far greater than her own. Her short legs annoyed her greatly though, as she covered terrain much slower than at home.  _Ah well, win some, lose some_ she though.  _At least I'm still human... well, human-ish._

Eventually she reached the Silverleaf Tree, and circled around it to find Amaya sitting there, eyes closed, barely breathing. Maya stared at her for awhile, feeling so odd looking at... herself. Yet it felt like... not herself. Like another person.  Even in her mind, she couldn't help but think of her as a separate person. 

Hesitantly, she reached down, and grabbed Amaya by the hand.

 

 


	2. New Discoveries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reconnected, the girls go out to discover the new world they're in- and to get some food. Something so simple, yet they discover something surprising...

The world lurched, swinging around her wildly, disorientating her and nearly making her vomit. She took a deep breathe, closing her eyes, and waited for the sensation to pass.

Eventually she did, and opened her eyes again. She found herself looking at herself, seeing herself out of both pairs of eyes. The double-vision made her feel sick again, so Amaya stood up and faced the same direction as Maya.

 _That's better_ Amaya thought.  _Now we see the same thing._

 _Yep_ , Maya responded.  _No more- wait, how are we doing this?!_

 _We ARE one person after all,_ Amaya said,  _It makes sense. We're just..._

 _Split_ Maya finished.

Amaya nodded, causing another small wave of nausea as half her vision bobbed, while the other half stayed still. "This is gunna suck..." Amaya moaned.

"I know," Maya sighed. "But at least we're not split up anymore."

 _I'm not so sure that's a good thing_ Amaya thought.  _It'd be better if you were left behind..._

 _Hey, I heard that!!_ Maya said.  _What the hell Amaya?! You want to leave me to die?!_

_No! I just- I wish we were independent, not one or the other!_

_...it would be more convenient... but it would make no sense_ Maya thought.

 _I know_ Amaya sighed.  _But still... can't we just leave your body behind and just use mine? I'm stronger._

 _I don't think so,_ Maya thought, shaking her head, which caused yet more disorientation- though she was starting to get a bit used to it.  _I still feel hungry, and you were breathing while 'unconscious' so... I'd probably just starve to death._

"Drat," Amaya said. "That'd just be too convenient. Well, whatever, we're stuck together. Come on, let's get food," she said, letting go of Maya's hand and walking forward, clumping along with her stave.

 

Suddenly her vision shifted back to one perspective, and she blinked. What? Weren't they connected? ...did they split...?

She turned around, and saw Maya just standing there, staring straight ahead. Amaya could see her breathing, and blinking slowly, but she stood stalk-still. "Grreaaatt," Amaya said. "I gotta be joined at the hip to this girl?"

She sighed, and walked back and grabbed Maya's hand again. Instantly her vision split into two fields of view, and she quickly stepped to be next to Maya, where it was more bearable.

"So we have to be connected. Fun," Maya said. She sighed. "We  _gotta_ figure something else out," she said.

"No duh Sherlock," Amaya replied. She stepped forward, pulling on Maya's hand. "Come on, let's get food."

Maya nodded and followed.

 

They walked to the center of town, where the food vendors were. They saw that the players had calmed down a good deal, and now were starting to go around buying food or going into the inn. Amaya watched the people at the stalls eating, and noticed disgusted expressions on their faces. Was the food bad...?

 

The girls walked up to a random vendor, who greeted them warmly. "Hello there! What would you like?"

"Hello!" Maya said, waving a free hand. "How are you today?"

The vendor shook her head. "Not so great. Some of you players have been coming up to me, yelling about a GM or something. Do you know anything about that?"

Maya shook her head. "No... well, I know who they mean, the game master, but I don't think that person exists here..."

"Eh?" the vendor said, a puzzled expression on her face. "Why would you all be askin' for someone who doesn't exist?"

Maya blinked. How to explain... 

Amaya interrupted. "A game master... they control everyone, right? Kinda like a god. We're... we're used to that. Before today. Normally you guys act more... robotic."

The vendor tilted her head. "I was just about to say that bout you! Since when can you guys talk?"

"Since when can you?" Amaya challenged back. "Before today, the most any of you would say is one sentence! Or more if you gave quests..."

The woman humphed. "Well, you all wouldn't say much of anything. Just went around beatin' people up when we asked, not much more."

 

Maya thought, then said, "It sounds like... almost like we're from two different, parallel worlds, and they suddenly meshed..."

"Parallel what?" the vendor asked.

"Worlds," Amaya said. "Sorta like... two places that are exactly the same, except for one thing. In this case, who actually is sentient..."

The woman rubbed her chin. "Sounds... sounds like what's goin on. But if so, why are these worlds now the same?"

Amaya and Maya shrugged. "We don't know," they said simultaneously, getting a weirded-out look from the vendor. 

"Uh... you some freaky twins or something?" she asked.

The girls looked at each other, and nodded. "Something like that," they said.

The woman looked at them strangely. "Must've had different moms..."

Amaya and Maya looked at each other, realizing again that they were a drawf and werecat. It was easy to forget...

 

"Uh, sure," Amaya said. She cleared her throat and said, "Uh anyways... could we get some food please?"

"Sure!" the woman said. "What would you like?"

"A sandwich for me!" Maya said, pointing at a ham and cheese one. The woman chuckled at her childish expression, and packaged one up.

"I'll have a peach," Amaya said. The woman nodded and gave it to her. Amaya had to let go off her stave, which clattered to the floor. Amaya sighed, and swayed uneasily on her feet, leaning over to pick the weapon up. She placed it in her bag and stood again, taking the peach from the vendor.

"That'll be 15 gold," she said. Amaya nodded and dug the coins out of her pocket. "Thank you- I didn't catch your name?"

"Marie. And you're welcome," she said, smiling. "Now you all come back sometime! It's nice to see some friendly adventurers."

"We will!" the girls called out, walking out into the street, Amaya putting her hand on Maya's head to stead her..

 

 _Let's find a place to sleep and plan_ Amaya thought. Maya agreed. 

_The buildings on the edge of town are empty, let's go there._

Amaya nodded, and they headed that way. As they walked, both took a bite of their respective foods.

 

"Ugh! Gross!" Maya said, spitting out her bite of sandwich. "It's just mush!"

Amaya took a bite of peach and hummed. "Yum, so sweet~!"

Maya blinked and looked over at her. "Wait, you can taste properly?"

Amaya nodded, confused. "Ya... maybe it's because I'm the main and you're the alt?"

Maya scrunched up her face. "That doesn't make sense... here, give that to me, let's see if it works in reverse."

They exchanged food and took another bite. This time, Amaya wrinkled her face. 

"Ugh, it's like a wet flour. This is horrible!"

Maya just gobbled up the peach, saying inbetween mouthfuls, "This is so tasty!!"

Amaya glared at her. "Sure, eat my food, go ahead."

 

Maya finished the peach and tossed aside the pit, wiping her hand on her dress. "We can always buy another one. Hey, I wonder why the peach tasted good and the sandwich tastes awful?" 

Amaya shrugged. "No clue. Wanna go find out?"

Maya nodded, and they set off to go back to Marie's stall.

 

She looked surprised when she saw them. "Back so soon? Still hungry?"

"Well..." Maya started, then quickly explained the issue with the sandwich.

Marie's face grew stormy. "You saying my food is no good?!"

"No no no" Amaya said, waving her hands. Amaya went still as Maya let go, until she remembered and grabbed her other self's hand.

"No," Amaya said, "We think something's just weird with the food, for us players. We wanna try some other stuff, see how that tastes."

The woman gave them a narrow glance. "It's gunna cost ya you know, I ain't running a charity here."

Maya nodded. "We know! We'll pay, we have plenty of gold. Lets see..." she looked at the fare. "Can we get the sushi, sausage, and bread please?"

Marie nodded, and handed the food to them. "That'll be 48 gold," she said.

 

Amaya paid, while Maya took a bite out of the sausage. Her eyes lit up. "It's so juicy!" she said. She looked at Marie and said, "This is so good! You cook really well."

Marie rubbed the back of her head. "Well, I just get those from the butcher, but thank you. Now try the sushi, it's delectable."

Amaya put the container on the counter and pulled out one. She popped it in her mouth, then grimaced. "It tastes like mush..." she said.

 

Marie looked offended, so Maya hastily said, "I'm sure it tastes great to you, I really think it's just something weird with us."

"You adventurers  _are_ odd..." Marie mused. "But why sushi and sandwiches and not fruit or sausage?"

Amaya shrugged. "Not a clue. Maybe it's baked stuff?"

Maya took a bite of the bread, then shook her head. "Nope, this tastes good! Great bread."

"Baker's," Marie said. "Here, why do I make that into a proper meat sandwich so it's easier to eat.

She started to reach for the ingredients when Amaya's eyes lit up. "That's it!" she said, startling Marie. 

 

"What's it?" she asked, then Maya's eyes lit up too.

"Ingredients. We can only taste ingredients!"

"You mean salt and sugar?" Marie asked. "But this stuff ain't that!"

 Maya shook her head. "No, no, it's not prepared food, see? Sandwiches are prepared, sushi is prepared, bread you just buy! It's not crafted at all!"

"You mean the craftin window don't you? I suppose... I suppose that's different. We don't use that for stuff like bread or sausage, that's hand-made. That's why it's expensive," Marie said.

Amaya nodded slowly. "That's gotta be it. Hand-made stuff tastes fine, menu stuff doesn't."

"But that don't make any sense," Marie said. "It tastes fine to us!"

Amaya shook her head. "I don't know why. But apparently that's the case...."

 

The three lapsed into silence, then Maya said, "Well, we better stock up on ingredients. Can we have a couple bread, meat, cheese, and fruit?"

Marie nodded, and got the purchases together. Amaya paid again, grunting at the amount she was spending today, then the two bid Marie farewell and left. 

 

 

They walked back towards the edge of town, when Maya suddenly tensed. "Oh, by the way... watch out for predators."

"We're in the city dummy," Amaya responded. Maya looked away.

"Not that kind," she muttered.

"...Oh," Amaya said. She nodded. "Gotcha. Well, there  _are_ two of us, we shouldn't be so easily taken."

"Two stuck holding hands," Maya pointed out. Amaya winced. 

 

"Ya, well we have no other option. Though, I wonder..." she said, pulling out a scarf and draping it over Maya and her neck. Tentatively she dropped Maya's hand, then laughed when her vision didn't sway. 

"It worked!" she shouted, eyes twinkling. "So clothes work too, we just need to be connected!"

Maya laughed as well. "Well, this can slip, so don't go running off and leaving me behind!

Amaya rolled her eyes. "With how our vision works, I'd be hard-pressed not to notice."Maya laughed.

They walked for a bit, slowly getting used to walking in sync so the scarf didn't slip, and walking slow enough that Amaya could stay on her feet. She was slowly learning to walk probably, only having to reach out occasionally to grab Maya's head to steady herself. 

Then suddenly Maya said, "Hey, we need to get firewood first. To the forest!"

She charged off in the direction, Amaya stumbling to keep up. "What do we need firewood for?!"

"For a fire silly! We don't wanna be cold tonight, right?" Maya said. She noticed Amaya nearly tripping and slowed down so her twin could move more easily.

"Thanks," Amaya said. "It's still a bit hard to walk."

Maya nodded, and they continued onward.

 

They walked out to the forest, running into fewer and fewer people as they got farther from the city center. They had just reached the outskirt of the trees, when they heard a rustling in the bushes nearby... and red eyes staring at them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, ingredients DO have flavor, and apparently bread, cheese, fruits, etc; are ingredients, so why wouldn't they taste good? Guess no one tried to just eat them alone. I dunno.


	3. Enemies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ambushed by Brier Weasels, the girls struggle to fight when the screen is now real life, and all the attacks are real. They figure out the system, but still struggle manage two screens, two bodies, at the same time... and struggle to survive when not all enemies are weasels...

"Brier Weasels" Maya breathed. She drew her staff, and Amaya drew her daggers and opened her menu, selecting Gust Step. Maya tried to call out, but it was too late. Her vision went black.

Amaya  appeared behind one of the Weasels, shouting "Stealth Blade!" and hitting it in the back, smiling to see it deal a third of the weasel's HP. She started to move to attack again, calling out Deadly Dance and dashing forward, stabbing as she went.

She repeated this action eight times, hitting harder and harder with each stroke. Her daggers glowed with an ethereal shine, leaving a line of light in the air with each stroke as they dug into the creature's side.

Suddenly what she was doing dawned on her. _Wait_ ,  _how am I doing this?! I'm not using the command menu! Can I move on my own...?_

She didn't have time to think about it though, as Deadly Dance drew to a close.

The weasel barely had time to turn and face her, much less hit her, so after eight blows she managed to get behind it again, hitting it again with Stealth Blade. The creature cried out, and exploded into a shower of light.

 

Amaya cheered and looked over to Maya to see how she was doing, and saw to her horror that she was standing stock still, the weasels attacking her. Amaya rushed forward and grabbed her by the hand.

 

Maya woke up, and opened her menu quickly, casting Heal on herself. After a few moments her health shot up, barely managing to keep herself from dying. She still needed more health, and saw Amaya did too, so she cast Healing Wind next. Then she went on the offense, using Hail Wind, battering two of the three remaining Brier Weasels. That done, she yelled at Amaya "What the hell did you think you were doing?! We could've been killed!"

"Sorry!" Amaya called back, dropping Maya's hand and wrapping the scarf back around her, then pulling out her bow. She used Rapid Shot on the remaining Weasel, saying inbetween shots, "I forgot! I'm not used to having two bodies!"

"You're used to having two players, how is this any different?!" Maya said, hitting with her staff inbetween shrieking echo and crescent laker. She had a hard time attacking though, as her command window got in the way "Also, get them off me! I can barely attack like this!"

"Because it's real!" she said. She shot one weasel on Maya with atrophy break, then the other with paralyzing blow. She called out the attacks as she used them, but she just acted out of instinct. "Also! Don't use the command menu, just feel it! Your body knows the attacks!"

"What?!" Maya said, but she did as Amaya asked and closed the menu. She paused and closed her eyes, ice shards floating in the air. She opened her eyes and shot out her hand, sending the shards flying with "Icicle Ripper!"

"Amaya! Did you see that?! I attacked!"

"Ya I saw you idiot, we share eyesight!" Amaya said. "But in case ya can't tell, I'm trying to concentrate here!"

She couldn't use most of her attacks because they moved, so she focused on statue causing attacks like spark shot or venom strike. Whenever she the cooldown of her shots came up she used them, managing to keep the weasels from directly attacking her. Amaya looked over at Maya's side real quick and noticed her health, saying, "Heal thyself you idiot!"

Maya looked at her screen and yiped. "Sorry, was attacking too much!" She cast heattbeat healing on herself, then healing breeze to speed it up. This left her with pretty much no MP left. "Hurry it up!!"

"Got it!" called, immediately using Sweeper to kill the Weasel in front of her, then saying, "Gotta dash!"

She let go off Maya's hand Gust Stepped forward, appearing behind another Weasel and striking it in the back, exploding it into light. Then she turned and saw the last Weasel about to kill Maya, and charged forward yelling "Assassinate!"

 

The world turned white, and the enemy exploded into sparks. Panting, Amaya went over and grabbed Maya again.

Maya came too, breathing heavily. "We won?" she asked.

"We won," Amaya replied with a smile. 

 _Thank goodness_ both thought, sliding to the ground and just sitting as their MP and health regenerated. Once she had enough MP Maya cause healing wind and healing breeze, and both relaxes as the energy flowed into them.

"Well, that wasn't so bad," Amaya said, chuckling weakly.

Maya punched her lightly. "Speak for yourself, I nearly died there!"

"Well heal more you healer! I'm the attacker!"

"....though you could barely attack..."

They both lapsed into silence.

"We need to figure something out," Amaya said eventually.

Maya shrugged. "But what? We're stuck like this..."

Amaya sighed. "I dun know sis, I just don't know."

"I'm not your sister!" Maya protested, but Amaya just chuckled. 

"Might as well be, now. My dwarven twin."

 "Better a drawf than a cat," Maya said, and both laughed. 

 

Then Maya smiled and said, "But at least the vision isn't so bad. I only have a moderate headache."

"It helps that we're concentrating on our side of vision," Amaya said. "And trial by fire, huh? We had to adapt or die."

"True" Maya said. "But I still wish we had painkillers."

"Agreed," Amaya said.

Maya thought for a bit, then cast cure bloom. Flower fragrance fell over them, and Amaya turned to her and asked, "Why did you do that? Now we smell as fruity."

"It cures status aliments," Maya explained. "Does it help the headache at all?"

Amaya thought, then shook her head. "Not really, no. Nice try though. If anything it'd be physical damage, wouldn't it? But we're at full health."

"It was an idea," Maya said with a sigh, and they both lapsed int silence.

 

Eventually they sighed and stood up. "Firewood?" Amaya asked.

"Firewood," Maya said, and they got back to work.

They'd just finished gathering up the sticks and putting them in their bags when they heard the sound of movement in the trees. "Oh no, not more weasels!" Maya said, turning around.

"It isn't weasels," Amaya said, as a group of players came out of the forest.

 

"Hey look, fresh meat," a man said, stepping into the clearing where the girls were. He had long hair and wolf ears, and leather armor. 

Amaya asked him, "Who are you and what do you want?" she said, drawing her daggers.

The man held up his hands. "Whoa whoa, no need to be so hostile.  _Yet_. You kids look pretty weak. Wanna hand over your items, or do you want us to take them from you?" he said, as other people came out of the forest. Amaya noted at least two mage-types, as well as some other fighters. She tensed. 

"Listen whoever you are-"

"Name's Smash," he said. He held out a hand and said, "Come on, make this easy. We can beat you all within an inch of death, but there's no point."

"Try it and I'll Assassinate you," Amaya snarled back.

He threw back his head and laughed. "That won't work from a wimp like you!" He smiled at her wolfishly and added, "Come on boys, let's take 'em!"

 _Run to the left!_ Amaya thought at Maya, who nodded.

 

Amaya threw down a smokebomb, and the two ran off to left, leaving the coughing and cursing party behind. They ran as far and fast as they could, heading towards the city once they got far enough away. Amaya nearly tripped all the time, and Maya had to run twice as fast to keep up, but eventually they crossed the magic line into safety.

Once they were within city lines they stopped, panting heavily. "That... was... awful..." Maya said.

Amaya nodded. "I can't believe that group was going to attack us."

Maya shook her head. "I tell ya sis, it isn't safe here. We need to watch our backs."

"Well at least we have eyes in the back of our heads," Amaya said with a grin. Maya grinned back.

"True. Now come on, let's find a building that's safe, I'm bushed.

 

Amaya nodded, and they headed off. Eventually they found a building well away from everyone and everything and climbed up into it, crashing onto the group to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm using the japanese wiki's list of skills (since it's more comprehensive then the english wiki), so I didn't just make them all up.
> 
> (Also all the research made this chapter take forever XD)


	4. Going Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late in the night, the girls awake and think about what exactly they're going to do in this new world. The initial rush to survive over, they contemplate just how they can move forward at all, much less create a life for themselves. But giving up isn't an option... is it?

The girls awoke later in the night, shivering. The summer air wasn't too cold, but the stone floor of their building created a chill that seeped into their bones. Maya groaned and rolled over to look at Amaya. She was lying-stalk still, and Maya realized the scarf just slipped off. Again. She sighed and reached over, grabbing Amaya's hand.

Amaya woke up and groaned. "This scarf thing is  _not_ working," she grumbled.

"We don't have another choice..." Maya replied. She sighed and sat up. "Come on, let's try to start a fire."

 

The two girls pulled out their wood and piled it on the floor, then Maya used her Burning Bite attack to light the wood. "Good thing I have that attack..." she said, as the flames licked up the logs.

"Good thing attacking doesn't trigger the guards, just combat," Amaya replied, warming her hands over the flames. 

Maya agreed, then laughed as her stomach grumbled. "Come on, let's eat our food."

Amaya nodded, and they pulled out some apples, bread, and cheese. They eat the cold food, first taking a bite of one, then another. They discovered that this way they could taste more than one thing without crafting, but it was still a poor substitute for real food.

 _I wonder if we can roast them?_ Maya thought, mouth still full.

 _We can try,_ Amaya replied, pulling out an extra stick.

 

She speared an chunk of bread on the stick and held it over the fire. Instantly it turned black and dissolved into the flames, making Amaya blink.

"Okay, maybe not..." she said, throwing the stick into the fire.

"Must count as cooking," Maya said. "We aren't chefs, we can't cook."

Amaya sighed. "Like that'd make a difference, chefs just use the menu like the Landers."

"Hmm," Maya said, then shrugged. "Well, we don't know. Let's just eat our food and be grateful it isn't flour."

Amaya nodded, and they continued their meal.

 

Once they finished, they laid down as close to the fire as they could manage. Their feet touched, so they formed an L around the flames, and stared up at the stone ceiling above them.

"I wonder how everyone else is doing..." Maya said, absently looking at the flames.

Amaya sighed. "I'm sure they've figured out something. Probably stayed at an inn like smart people."

"Ya, in the city. I doubt it's safe there for low-levels like us."

"We aren't  _that_ low leveled," Amaya countered.

"Low enough to be attacked by the 90s. We need to be stronger."

"Too bad you don't get those EXP pots anymore, that'd help..." Amaya said.

Maya sighed. "True. Well, we can still farm enemies near here, the weasels are a good level for us."

"For you maybe, not for me. I'll never level up like this."

"We'll go after higher levels when we don't almost get killed by level-40 creatures," Maya retorted. "Or maybe when I'm your level."

"Yayaya," Amaya replied. Then she sighed. "Fine, we'll get you to my level then go after actual level 50s. Deal?"

"Deal," Maya replied.

 

They drifted off for a second, the Maya shifted to roll over, her vision going dark again.

Amaya noticed the change, and found Maya's foot again. She blinked back on with a groan of frustration.

"We  _really_ need to figure something out!" she said. "This isn't working!"

"Maybe we should tie a rope around our waists? That way we can't get separated," Amaya suggested. 

"...that could work. But we'd likely pull each other over, or get it tangled up while walking around."

"Better than constantly losing contact like this," Amaya retorted.

Maya sighed. "Point point point. Alright, we'll go buy a rope tomorrow."

 

They lapsed into silence, and Amaya said, "I wonder if that'll help in combat at all. I need to be able to move around."

"It might, as long as you don't get tangled on enemies..."

Amaya sighed. "Ya, that'll be difficult. I need to be able to dart behind them, I can't be trailing a rope."

"Maybe you could stick with archery for now?" Maya suggested.

Amaya shook her head. "I can't be a front-line sniper. Archery assassins stay in the back, not in the front of combat."

"It seemed to be working okay..."

"That's because I was higher leveled. And even still, we both nearly died, even with your healing."

"But I have to stay in one place, I can't run after you all the time..."

"I know..." Amaya said. She sighed.  _I can't fight with her, not like this_ _..._ she thought.

 

 

Maya rolled up into a little ball, trying to ignore Amaya's comment, not able to.  _She's right... I'm useless, I can't do anything... it'd... it'd be better off... better if I just... disappeared..._

She glanced over at Amaya, who sat staring into space. Right, they'd separated... leaving her in control.  _No, no, I don't want this... I don't... I just...._

She just wanted to sleep. 

Dejectedly, she closed her eyes, and sent a pulse over to Amaya....

 

 

And the world turned black...

 

Amaya awoke and saw Maya just lying there, curled up in a ball. How did she- oh. Right. They could manually switch. She'd almost forgotten about that...

She couldn't remember what Maya had been thinking while she was out, so she just reached over and grabbed the bottom of her foot. "Hey, Maya. What's wrong?"

 _Just leave me here_ Maya thought.  _I'm just a burden to you anyways..._

Amaya winced. She didn't realized that Maya had heard her. "You aren't a burden," she said, but Amaya interrupted her. 

_I am! I... I know I'm not strong enough. You can go solo, I can't. And I just get in the way. It'd be better if you fought alone..._

Amaya took a deep breathe and said,  _I'm sorry I said that,_ _I'm just frustrated I'm so weak._

 _Weak?_ Maya thought.  _You're stronger than I am! All I do is hold you back!_

 _But I should be stronger than that!_ Amaya exploded.  _I'm the strong one, I should be able to protect you! You're so useful standing still, while I can barely attack!_

_That's just your class, and like you said, it'd be better if you were alone!_

 

 

"But I'm not alone, and I can't handle it!" Amaya shouted. "But you can! You could fight with me, its me who can't fight with you!"

She grew quiet, then said, "I can't fight with you, not because you're weak, but because I am. You've adjusted to this far better than me..."

"If you think that, you're a fool," Maya said with a harsh laugh. "I can barely handle being here, yet you seem fine with it!"

Amaya bit her lip. "I didn't hear anything about that..."

 

Maya looked away. "It was when you were out. I just... I just want to sleep Amaya..."

 

 

Amaya fell silent. "I know. I do too. But... we can't."

Maya looked at her. "Can't we?"

Amaya shook her head. "No. No- I won't die. I refuse to."

"Why?" Maya asked. 

"Because... we can..." Amaya said, thinking hard. 

 

 

 

"Can what?" Maya sat, sitting up herself to look at Amaya.

"...we can restart our lives. Do you remember? What we used to dream of?"

Maya smiled. "Of course. Seeing the world, solving everyone's problems along the way..."

Amaya nodded. "We can still  _do_ that here. We can fight, we can train... we can try to help."

"But how?" Maya said helplessly. "We can't  _do_ anything! We can't just- complete a quest and make everything okay! The world isn't like that!"

"But... we can try and do what we can..." Amaya said slowly. "When we see a problem.... when we can help someone... we should do that."

"We can barely help ourselves right now," Maya pointed out.

Amaya sighed. "I know, I know. We need to try and fix ourselves. But... we can help people along the way.

 

"We can actually make something of our lives."

 

Maya stared at the fire. "Be the hero, in a world of heroes. I... that would be nice... to be able to help someone... to actually do something, for once, instead of just being weak..."

Amaya nodded. "Exactly. We can- we can make a difference here."

"How?" Maya asked, looking at Amaya. "We'll never be city people, big movers and shakers..." Maya said

 

 

Amaya thought, then said slowly, "Maybe... when we find someone who needs a boost, we help them. How does that sound?"

"...sounds like a good start," Maya replied.

"And I have an idea. Let's go the guild hall tomorrow, just see what's happening. Tell everyone about the ingredients, or at least some, and see if someone needs help. Sound good?"

"Sounds good," Maya said. Then after a moment, she added, "It's late. Let's go back to sleep."

 

 

Amaya nodded, and the two lay back down, eventually drifting off to sleep.


	5. Guilds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armed with the knowledge of food, the girls head for the Guild Hall and see the commotion there. They run into a guild there recruiting new members, and later on gets offered a guild membership themselves. But with all this guilding, will it end well?

The next day they got up, ate their breakfast of fruit, and headed out into the city.

 

The atmosphere was less tense this day, as everyone started to mill around or simply sit around doing nothing. Amaya and Maya spotted several groups heading out into the woods to slay monsters, but far more adventure's simply sitting on the ground in the shade. Well, at least they weren't panicking anymore.

The relaxed nature did make the girls curious, so they stopped a warrior walking past. "Why's it so calm now?" Maya asked.

The player looked surprised, and replied, "Didn't you hear? Someone died. They revived at the Cathedral, just like normal. No need to worry bout dying here!" he said with a laugh. 

Then he shouldered his sword, and said, "Well, I'm off to fight goblins. Gotta eat, even if the food's terrible."

"Oh!" Maya said, "Not all of it is! Ingredients- like fruit, bread, and the like- still taste normal!"

The player looked surprised, then said, "Really? I'll have to try some then. Thanks for the tip- uh, what's your name?"

"Maya," she replied, "And this is Amaya. What's your name?"

He held out his hand. "I'm David. Hey, if ya wanna farm together later, let me know, kay?" And he did something with the menu, and Maya opened hers to see a friend request. She beamed.

"Thanks David! We'll be sure to keep that in mind." Looking at his info, he was another high-level, a 73. That might be useful...

Her thoughts were interrupted by him saying, "Well, I gotta run. Seeya girls later!" he said, turning and walking off.

"Seeya!" they replied, waving.

 

"He was nice," Amaya said, starting to walk towards the Guild Hall. 

"Ya. Good to know not all the high-levels are jerks."

"Told you so," Amaya replied, punching Maya lightly.

"Yayaya shut up," Maya replied teasingly.

 

They eventually reached the Guild Hall, and found it busy as always. Looking around, Amaya spotted a lot of low-leveled players- their items gave them away- up at the guild registration desk. She frowned. Were they all joining guilds already? She assumed it was safer, but still... it'd only been a day. Was it wise?

They went up to the bank and deposited their excess items and all but 100 gold. They didn't need to be robbed, especially now that dying was possible. While they did so, they chatted with the Lander clerk.

"So what's been happening lately-" they reach his nametag. "Eric?" 

Eric shrugged. "Lot's of you adventure's have been coming here, using the bank. Far more than usual actually. And you guys can talk now?"

Amaya nodded. "It's a long story, but basically we couldn't talk to you and you couldn't talk to us, but that's all changed now."

Eric nodded. "Is that way you guys treat us like trash now?"

Maya ducked her head. "I'm afraid so. I apologize for my fellow adventure's behavior," she said with a small bow.

Eric waved his hand. "It isn't your doing, so don't apologize. Still, it's nice to have a real person talk to me. Now, what can I do for you?"

They deposited their items and gold, and then Amaya asked again, "Do you know why so many weaker adventurers are here?"

Eric looked over at the counter. "Seems they're joining that guild-thinky you guys have. I dunno, I just work behind the desk, I don't really ask. Why?"

"Just... a bit worried is all," Amaya said.

"Why? It isn't your business."

"Because..." she trailed off.

 

It was hard to put into words. The concern she felt for anyone in need, the worry about people being taken advantage of. She guessed it was just selfish desire to be some kind of hero, but all the same... she couldn't just ignore it.

"It's nothing," she eventually said. "I just thought I'd ask."

Maya looked over at Amaya, concerned, and thought  _What's up sis?_

_Nothing- wait, don't you know?_

_We have to direct thoughts at each other to hear_ Maya explained.  _Whats eating you?_

 _Nothing- I'll explain later_.

The conversation only took a few seconds, but Eric still cleared his throat. "Is there anything else I can help you two with?"

 

"Um, actually, could we have some stuff to write with? We want to hang up some signs."

Eric thought, then shook his head. "Fraid not, you'd have to go buy it. But why not just talk to people? It'll be easier."

The girls look at each other and shrug. "Worth a shot," Amaya said.

 

They thanked Eric and walked away, and then Amaya caught Maya's arm.  _Wait_ she thought. Maya stopped and faced Amaya.

"The new players... something seems off about them all joining a guild today," Amaya said.

Maya shrugged. "They probably just want a roof over their heads. I would, in their place."

"Still... the higher leveled players near them. Don't they look a bit shady?"

Maya looked over and frowned. "Maybe... but we can't know. What do you wanna do about it?"

"Just... ask if they really want to join a guild, is all."

Maya looked contemplative, then shrugged. "Okay sis, lead the way. Then we can tell people about the food."

Amaya nodded, and they headed off.

 

They spotted two children standing a little ways from the desk, and went up to them. They were a Samurai and Shrine Maiden, and we chatting excitedly to each other.

"We're going to get so strong!" the boy said, bouncing on his heels."

The girl nodded. "It's nice for the guild to help us out! We won't be alone in this new world..."

 

Amaya and Maya approached them. "Um..." Maya started, and the two turned to face them.

"Hello!" the boy said, a cheery smile on his face. "I'm Tohya! How're you?"

"I'm Maya," she said, "and this is my sister Amaya." Amaya waved.

The girl aid softly, "I'm Minori. Nice to meet you two."

"So whatya want?" Tohya said, though not maliciously. Still, Maya ducked her head.

"We were wondering..." she started, but Amaya cut in before she could stammer more.

"The guild you two joined. Are they okay?"

The two looked surprised. "Why do you ask?" Minori asked, confused.

"They're gunna help us, of course they're okay!" Tohya added.

"They just seem a little... shady..." Maya said, but she ducked her head, her courage fading.

Amaya took over. "It just seems odd to join a guild day one. Do you two know anything about them?"

 

The kids looked away slightly. "We're weak..." Minori said quietly. "

And they offered to help us get stronger!" Tohya added.

"In this world, we have so much to learn... and Hamelin offered to help us. It seemed the best to accept..."

Amaya rubbed her chin. "...okay. I still worry, but it's not my place. But if you need help, come find us, kay?"

The kids nodded. "We'll be okay, but thank you," Minori said. 

A voice called from across the room, and Minori looked over. "Oh, that's Shredder, we better go. It was nice meeting you two!"

"Ya, seeya around!" Tohya added, running off after Minori.

 

Maya and Amaya looked at each other. 

"I don't like it," Amaya said.

"We did what we could..." Maya replied. "We can't force them to change their minds, and what else would they do? They need help, they're so low-leveled."

Amaya sighed. "I wish... I wish we could do more. But we can't. Our own guild is just us, we're in no place to help anyone..."

"Well... we can help with the food situation at least," Maya said eventually. "Come on, let's go tell people."

 

They walked off, looking for someone to talk to, eventually finding a high-level player.

"Excuse me," Maya said timidly. The player turned to face them.

"Whatya want?" he asked, frowning.

"Um, we just wanted to tell ya something..." Maya stuttered, and the player cut her off.

"If you wanna say something just say it, quit wasting my time."

"Um..." Maya started, but Amaya cut her off.

"We found out that ingredients have real taste, unlike normal food."

He looked interested, stroking his chin. "Have you told anyone else?"

The girls shook their head. 

He gave a wolfish smile. "Well, thanks for letting me know. I'll be sure to stock up." He turned and started to walk away.

"Wait!" Maya said, starting to chase after him. "Aren't you going to tell anyone else?!"

He turned back. "Why would I do a fool thing like that? This way, there'll be enough for my guild!" he said.

"Guild? Which guild?" Maya asked. 

The player looked surprised. "What? Are you stupid? The Black Sword Knights! The strongest guild on the server! Bah, you're just weak low-leveled players, how would you know about us,"  he said, turning and walking away.

 

 _Well that went well_ Amaya thought.

 _I didn't think he'd be so selfish..._ Maya replied.

Amaya sighed.  _We should've expected it. Well, let's try again anyways_.

 

They went around and talked to a plethora of players. Some were friendly, and thanked them for the info. Some were helpful, and promised to pass the info on. And some were like the high-leveled player, thinking only of their own selves. 

 

In the end the girls went back to Marie's stall, exhausted from walking around and talking. They found her leaning on her table, her produce almost gone. She looked up tiredly when they approached, and smiled.

"Hey there twins. Ya the reason everyone's buying ingredients?"

They nodded, and Maya ducked her head. "Sorry bout that..." she said.

Marie waved her hand. "Good to have business, even if it means I'm outta stock."

The girls frowned. "You don't have anything left?" 

She shook her head. "Plumb cleared out. Most of the other vendors are too. There's a lot of you all and we didn't expect this kinda rush, see."

The girls nodded. "Well... thanks for telling us," they said, dejected.

 

"Sorry I can't help ladies. But tell you what. If you want to pay in advance for some stuff, I'll save it for you next time I get a shipment."

They brightened up. "Really?"  Maya said, eyes sparkling. "Thank you!"

"That's very kind of you," Amaya added.

Marie waved her hand again. "You all have been good to me, and brought me a lot of custom. It's no big deal. So, what do you want?"

They preordered some more sausage, bread, and cheese; and some fruits they liked. It cleared out off the gold they had, making Marie laugh.

"Looks like I'll be seeing you later for tonight's dinner!"

The girls ducked their heads. "Ya, we'll need to go farm a little first. Seeya later!"

They waved goodbye and walked off.

 

They walked for awhile, nearly getting to the outskirts of the populated area. But when they turned a corner, they ran smack-dab into a Ritian man in a lab coat. They girls fall over, accidentally breaking hands.

 

Maya got up and apologized profusely. "I am so sorry for running into you! I should have been more careful, walked slower. Please, forgive us!" she said, giving a bow.

The man picked himself up and dusted his coat off. "Do not worry about it, it was an accident. Seems your friend needs some help though," he said, reaching down to take Amaya's hand. Then he expression turned confused when she didn't respond.

Maya thought quickly and swapped over to Amaya, jolting as the vision changed. 

Amaya smiled and took the man's hand, letting him pull her up. "Thank you very much... I don't know your name."

"Roderick," he replied with a little bow. "And you are...?"

"I'm Amaya," she said, putting a hand to her chest. "And this is Maya," she said, pointing at the girl.

Roderick turned to look over at her, and say her standing there stock still, not moving. A confused expression came to his face. 

Amaya swapped over quickly, and Maya smiled. "Nice to meet you Roderick," she said.

He nodded, then quickly looked back to Amaya, seeing her statue still as well. Maya swapped over, but the sudden jerk made him more suspicious. He took a step back. "Just what's going on?" he asked.

 

Amaya sighed and walked over, taking Maya's hand. Maya blinked, then said, "Um, it's complicated... but we're one person in two bodies...."

Roderick blinked, then put a hand to his chin. "Fascinating," he muttered. Brightening, he asked, "How did this happen? One person in two bodies- such a thing defies logic."

The girls looked at each other, and Amaya replied, "I was playing as both myself and Maya when the Apocalypse hit... it seems to have caused both bodies to come to life. But there's only one of me."

"Just like a game..." he muttered. He put one hand on his hip and said, "I would like to study this farther. This world... it seems to be such a mixture of reality and a game, and you... you're the oddest example I've seen. How about this- would you like to join my guild?"

 

"The Roderick Firm?" Amaya asked. "Don't you guys mostly focus on high-leveled raids? We're nowhere near the level for that..."

"I'll admit that has been our focus," he replied. "And will probably continue. But I want to explore some of the mysteries of this new world, if I can..." he trailed off, clearly lost in thought.

Then he snapped back to reality, and said, "Perhaps you are unequipped now to participate in raids, but that can be fixed with training. What levels are you two currently?"

"53 and 38," Amaya replied. Roderick grimaced. 

"So far to go..." he muttered. He sighed. "It would be a challenge, but perhaps a fruitful one. I'll ask again. Would you be willing to join my guild?"

 

The girls looked at each other. After a minute of thought, they nodded.

"We're flattered by the offer," Amaya said.

"But we are a guild," Maya continued.

"We don't want to abandon our guild's ideal-"

"To help people,".

"But,"

"We would love to partner with your guild, if possible." Amaya finished.

 

Roderick thought for a moment, then asked. "Your guild. What is it?"

"The Problem Solvers," they replied simultaneously. "It's just us two, but we hope to expand..."

Roderick smiled. "Problem Solvers, ey? In this new world... not a unworthy ideal."

He thought for a moment, then said slowly, "We don't need a partner guild at the moment... and your weakness would make it impractical." The girls looked crestfallen, but he added, "However. Grow stronger, discover the secrets of your duality, and we will talk again."

 

The girls looked at each other, and nodded. "That sounds the most realistic," Amaya said.

"It's still very kind of you," Maya said. "Thank you."

"We plan on becoming strong, both individually and as a guild. When we can truly help you, we'll speak again."

Roderick smiled. "I look forward to it."

 

The three bid farewell, and parted ways. 

 

Amaya and Maya walked on, thinking.

 _Do you think we'll ever be useful to him?_ Maya thought.

 _Perhaps. Perhaps not. But the offer IS open,_  Amaya replied.

 _...do we really want to expand our guild?_ Maya asked.

Amaya sighed.  _Yes. We need to live up to our name- and besides..._

_I want to help people like Minori and Tohya._

Maya nodded.  _We're too weak to help anyone currently. But if we get stronger..._

 _Maybe we can make a change,_ Amaya finished.

 _...But what do we want to do? Just level up?_ Maya asked.

Amaya shook her head.  _No. I think... I want to find people. Like the kids. Who need help... who WE can help._

 _But what can we do that other's can'_ _t?_  Maya said.

 _...We can think differently,_ Amaya responded.

 

"What?" Maya said. "What do you mean?"

Amaya paused, then said, "We... look, our situation is weird. Two people, one body? And the ingredients, and not needing to use the command menu... We think differently."

"A lot of people probably do the same thing," Maya pointed out. "We can't be the only one's who figure stuff like this out."

"No, but..." Amaya trailed off, thinking. "Our... situation... will make us think differently. Probably others will think differently too. But if we can come up with new ideas... new ways of doing things... then perhaps we can change things."

"...maybe," Maya said. "It's a long shot though and you know it."

Amaya nodded. "I know. But even if we just... help people who need it... I'll be satisfied."

Maya nodded. "We can do that. And maybe we can do something great, too."

"Change the world?"" Maya said teasingly.

Amaya shrugged. "Why not? But first... let's figure out how to move around more easily."

"A _greed_ ," Maya said with a chuckle.

 

And with that, they set off again for the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the length of this chapter- and the accidental publishing before completion- but I wanted to get multiple guilds represented in one chapter, and that takes awhile.


	6. Dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Floating in darkness, the player sees herself as she truly is, and was. Faced with what she was and did, she must now make a decision- will she move forward, or stay forever in the peaceful world of the moon?
> 
> (note: this chapter contains suicidal reasoning.)

A crowd of goblins surrounded the girls, but they grinned. They ready their respective weapons, and called out their attacks. "DISMAL!" "Sweeper!"

Maya stuck the ground with her staff and sent for a wave of light, and Amaya dashed forward to attack the goblins. 

She disconnected from Maya, but the light continued. They'd discovered that while their bodies attacked, they continued their action regardless of if they were connected or not.

 

Several enemies disappeared into light at once, being so low-leveled that the autokills of the attacks kicked in. Amaya dashed back to Maya and stood back to back.

Maya blinked on, and shouted, "Call of storms!" 

Instantly, a thunderstorm appeared above their heads, shooting lightning and tornadoes everywhere. Then Amaya shot her electric arrows, the crackling energy in the air making them stronger. One by one, the remaining goblins fell, exploding into rainbow light.

 

The girls grinned, and did a backwards high-five. "Ya!" Maya shouted. "We beat em!"

Amaya put her bow back and said modestly, "They  _were_ only level twenty this time."

Maya rolled her eyes. "So what? We still were awesome! We're gettin' good at this!"

Amaya nodded. "I think we're ready to take on some actual enemies, one's that'll let us level."

"Let  _me_ level," Maya corrected. "We're getting equal before you level up any more."

Amaya rolled her eyes. "If I can level up on enemies you'll level even faster."

Maya frowned. "Let's start with lower-leveled enemies, okay? I don't want to die a lot, respawn or no."

Amaya sighed. "Okay, okay. We don't wanna lose our stuff anyways. Come on, let's go back."

 

The two girls headed back towards the city, when they sensed several people around them. Amaya whirled around and saw a familiar, and unwanted, face.

"Smash," she said coldly. "What the hell do you want."

 

He gave a wolfish smile. "Why, your equipment and gold of course. Give it over, and you girlies can go away with your lives intact."

"We're way weaker than you, why the hell do you want our stuff?!" Amaya challenged, taking a step forward. "You guys are just bullies!"

Smash threw his head back and laughed. "In this world, only the strongest survive! Now give here," he said, holding out his hand and beckoning.

 

Amaya and Maya exchanged glances, and once again Amaya shouted "Shake off!" and the girls darted to the right. 

 

But they'd hardly moved a step when they heard "Willow Spirit!" "Astral Bind!" and the girls found themselves rooted in place.

The girls panicked, and struggled against the roots. But it was useless, they couldn't move. 

 _What do we do?!_ Maya asked desperately.

 _I won't let them win!_ Amaya thought. 

 _What are you-_  Maya thought, but then gasped as Amaya shouted "Assassinate!"

An arrow pierced right through Maya's heart, and she collapsed on the ground in a blaze of light. 

 

And the world went black....

 

 

* * *

 

A girl floated in the darkness, suspended in a dark sea. She watched impassively as she sunk farther down- in the distance, voices called out to her.  _Just let me have peace..._ she thought, as the world turned dark. 

 

She fell through the bottom of the ocean, floated suspended for a moment before dropping down into a dark room. The figure looked around, recognizing it as her apartment- and seeing a girl sitting at a desk, in front of two screens. She walked forward to touch her, and found her hand rippling the watery screen that covered her vision. But in that moment on non-contact, she recognized herself. Yoki.  She was Yoki.

 

 _No_ she thought.  _I'm Amaya. I'm AMAYA._  

 

Amaya stood quietly, impassively, as the girl- who'd call herself Amaya- played a video game robotically, ever now and again glancing at the other screen where she watched a cartoon.

 

Amaya watched over the girl's shoulder. Ah, yes. She was playing  _Elder Tale,_ as her alt., Maya. She looked like she was still just level 32... 

 

A sense of deja-vu washed over her, and she turned just a moment before a knock came at the door. Yoki sat still, watching the screen, as the noise got louder and louder. The noise went on and on, until the person behind the door finally cursed and went away.

 

After it was quiet, Yoki got up and walked over to the door, unlocked it, and opened it. On the door was taped a rent notice- she was overdue, and if the rent wasn't paid within a month, she'd be evicted. 

 

The girl sighed and walked back to her computer, shutting down the game and anime. She pulled up her programming screen, and got to work. She'd only worked for a few moments, however, when she heard the ding of a new email.

 

She glanced at the other screen, and pulled up the email. Ah yes, it was from her client. Amaya watched silently as Yoki's head slowly lowered, as she whispered, "I can't... I can't do this... it's too much... I can't..."

 

Amaya sighed. She was always so weak... she couldn't manage something as simple as a programming commission. "Pathetic," she whispered.

 

Amaya turned her back on the weak girl- knowing it was herself, but not willing to acknowledge it. She knew at her core that people that weak didn't deserve to exist, that they did nothing but leech off the accomplishments of others. Truly pathetic.

 

She stood for a moment, then her shoulders hitched. She raised a hand to her face and found to her surprise that she was crying.  _What? Why... why am I crying? Am I really that utterly weak?_

 

She roughly brushed the tears aside. People like her didn't deserve tears. They deserved to be forgotten, left to die.

 

Amaya looked over her shoulder at Yoki, who had her head on her desk, sobbing. For a moment her hard heart swelled, then it shattered. Tears came to her face, and she openly wept.

 

"I really am a monster," she sobbed. "I... I never should have survived my birth... I should have died, like they wanted...."  And from her eyes, rain fell.

 

_What a troublesome baby, always screaming... her face looks so ugly, like a demon..._

_What should we call her?_

_...Yokai. She deserves to bear such a name. But it would reflect badly on us._

_What about Yoki? In Hoppi, it means 'rain.'_

_...Yes, a fitting name for the crying demon..._

 

And the world turned dark, as the rain fell....

 

* * *

 

 

Amaya blinked open her eyes to a beautiful sight. She stood on the shore of an ethereal plane, the air filled with shards of crystal. In the far distance, she could see the Earth, and recognized with surprise that she was on the moon. "Fascinating," she muttered.

 

She walked along the edge of the lapping waves, enjoying the beauty of the place. The soft sound calmed her spirit, and she gave a gentle sigh.

 

"My life may have been hard... and I may be pathetic... but here... I perhaps... can make a difference..." she said to herself.

 

She looked out again at the Earth, at  _Elder Tale_. Her new home.

 

She couldn't say she missed her old one.

 

She stared at the waves again, recalling her desperate attempt at escape. "Pathetic," she whispered. She was too weak even for that... too weak to live, too weak to die...

 

She was truly pathetic.

 

"But perhaps... I could change that, here..." she whispered. "I... can't do much worse... and here... life is much easier... fight some monsters, buy some food... it's not the complexity of our old world... it's just a game..."

 

She stared again at the globe in the distance. "No," she said, "It's not a game, not anymore. There's no way to "win", no way to "lose." There are no heroes there, no villains... just the challenges of everyday life..."

 

She looked down at the water. "Why should I return...?" she whispered.

 

But something inside her compelled her to try. To try and make a new life for herself. To not just give up...

 

She closed her eyes. It's hadn't been a day from drowning that she found herself in this world... to escape their judgmental eyes, she simply ran away...

 

"Why should I go back...?"

 

She looked out at the ocean, and sighed. No, she didn't want to die. She simply wanted to not be in pain. "Pathetic..." she whispered. 

 

"A pathetic demon like me should not live..."

 

But she had no other choice... she could not die in the other world, and here, she could never die, not for real. She could wait here for as long as she wanted, but it would not lead to death... just an endless walk along the ocean waves...

 

The waves lapped at her bare feet. She looked down, impassively. She knew what she must do. Give a bit of herself to the sea... sacrifice some of herself, so that she could live again.

 

She sighed, and closed her eyes. She had to return... she had no choice...

 

No... that wasn't true...

 

That was just more weakness...

 

"...I don't want to live... but I don't want to die... I just... want to not feel empty... ha... how pathetic..."

 

Her hair fell around her face, hiding her downturned eyes. The only time she felt anything was playing  _Elder Tale_... that's why she loved it so... that's why... in that world... she did not feel this aching loneliness... 

 

She smiled sickeningly and shook her head. "I wonder if I die here, will I die for good...? The world does not need me, why should I continue? Why should I be such a waste of space?"

 

...but something inside her burned. She did not want to be useless. She did not want to be the pathetic demon everyone saw her as. She wanted... 

 

She wanted to change the world.

 

It was an impossible dream. An utterly foolish one. In her world, it could never be done.

 

But perhaps in this one... it could be done...

 

She took a deep breathe, and blew it out. Raising her head, she said, "I... I have to try. I may be able to do nothing at all. But I have to see... I have to see if it's possible.

 

"After all, it's the only thing left for me."

 

She took another deep breathe, and grasped the end of her hair. With her teeth, she tore off a chunk of it, and place it in the water. She watched the offering float off, then rise as a shard of crystal.

 

And the world turned white....

 

* * *

 

 

She awoke in the Cathedral, blinking her eyes against the strong sunlight. She slowly got up, and walked to the doorway. 

She'd just reached the doorway when it struck her. Where was Maya?

She looked back, but didn't see anyone. Was she still in the forest? Did she not respawn? 

 

Frowning, Amaya opened her menu, and was greeted with a glitched mess. But it was the name that caught her attention.

 

Yoki.


	7. Divided

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The player awakens to find herself in her real body, but immediately runs away from the idea. Divided in mind, she is once again divided in body... and with no consensus, can the girls ever be whole?

_This can't be happening_ Amaya thought, taking a step back. She stared at the mess of a screen, unable to drag her eyes away from the name. Yoki. What was she  _doing_ here?!

"This is wrong," she whispered. "I'm not her, not here, I'm Amaya,  _I'm not her!"_

She looked down, and saw with despair that her body was that of Yuri's too, the short, pathetic, weak body she always had. She was even wearing normal clothes, a fact that didn't go unnoticed. She could feel people staring at her, whispering. Flushing heavily from humiliation and fear, Amaya walked- ran- away from the Cathedral, roughly pushing her way through the milling crowd.

 

As she ran her mind raced.  _How did this happen? WHAT happened?! Why am I like this?!_

And underlying all of it:  _How the hell do I go back?!_

 

She didn't want to be Yoki, not here, not now. She  _never_ wanted to be that person again. She couldn't- she refused.  _She refused!!_

 

Her vision suddenly swam, and she felt like someone was tearing her in two.

 

Suddenly, she felt herself thrown to the side, and she landed heavily on the ground. "Oof!" she said, picking herself up gingerly. But as she did so she noticed her hands- they were dark, furred. She looked down. She was Amaya again... and looking over, she saw Maya.

 

"Maya!" she shouted, going over and dragging Maya to her feet. Maya groaned and rubbed her head.

"What  _happened?"_  she asked.

"We were merged into Yoki-"

Maya shook her head. "I know  _that_ , I was there too! I mean  _why_ -"

"Wait, you saw that?? But it was me in control!" Amaya said.

Maya gave her a puzzled look. "Noooo, it wasn't. It was us, both of us. We  _are_ one person you know."

 

Amaya blinked, shook her head. "No... that makes no sense... we're two people, look at us, we're talking to each other. We're separate."

Maya just stared at her. "Uh, no? We're one person? I mean ya we have two bodies, but we're one human Amaya..."

"So who are we?" Amaya challenged. "Me, you? We can't be both, we're too different!"

"We're Yoki," Maya said, confused. "Did you forget that? Amaya is just a game character, our real name is Yoki!"

Amaya turned her back and crossed her arms. "No. I refuse... I refuse to be her! I'm better than her! I'm... I'm not as pathetic..." she said, lowering her head and closing her eyes.

 

Maya sighed and leaned her head against Amaya's back. "She wasn't pathetic... we... I... aren't pathetic. It was just getting too hard for us..."

"That just makes us weak," Amaya said bitterly. "I refuse to stay that way."

"You don't have to," Maya said, walking around to face Amaya and taking her hand. "We can be strong here!"

"I know. That's why I want to be  _me_ , Amaya, not Yoki!"

"But we  _are_ Yoki! You can't change that!"

"Yes I can!" Amaya shouted, making Maya take a step back. Quieter, she added, "I... I just don't want to be her. I want to be Amaya. I want to put all that behind us. Why is that so bad?"

 

"Because... we'll never be fused if you think like that..." Maya said. Amaya looked at her curiously, so she said, "Think about it. Yoki  _was_ both of us."

"No, we were glitching out like crazy. Like... we were trying badly to occupy the same space."

Maya waved her hand. "That started after you started to panic. For a brief moment, we  _were_ Yoki. So we can do it! We can be whole!"

"Whole and useless! Did you see her screen, she doesn't even have a class!"

Maya frowned. "I didn't notice that..."

"Well I did. Her sheet didn't even look complete, it was a mess!"

"Maybe we did it wrong? Like we didn't fully fuse?" Maya said.

  
"...maybe. But we can't do that  _now!_ "

"We can try!" Maya said brightly. "Come on, how did we unfuse? Split apart? Let's try to ram into each other, see if that works!"

"...that's an idiotic idea," Amaya said flatly.

Maya rolled her eyes. "Come on, let's at least  _try."_

 

 

Amaya sighed, and took a step back. Maya did the same, then simultaneously they lunged into one another- and got knocked backwards.

"Well that was a fail," Amaya said, getting up and pulling Maya to her feet.

Maya blinked. "Well... that didn't work. Maybe if we died...?"

"No!" Amaya said. "I won't die! I refuse!"

Maya held up her free hand. "Easy, easy! It was just an idea!"

"Do you want to see those memories again? Do you? It'll be worse next time!"

Maya lowered her gaze. "You don't know that..." she said quietly.

"It's not worth the risk," Amaya said, looking away.

 

Eventually Maya sighed. "So now what? We know it  _can_ be done, we just don't know how."

"We know how to turn into the pathetic wretch," Amaya said. "No thanks."

"Amaya..." Maya said, but Amaya just turned her back on her. "No. I won't be her. If that means seeing weird for the rest of our lives here, then so be it."

Maya sighed. She knew this was a bad choice, but she could see that Amaya wouldn't budge. She just couldn't see them as one...

 

"...well, what now then?" Maya asked. "We lose all our gold..."

"...we go to the bank and get some more. It's too late to go hunting again." 

Maya nodded, and the two set off, silent and staying conspicuously separate in thought. But eventually, Maya reached out.

 

 _You know we'll fuse again_ Maya thought.  _There's no way we won't die._

 _Shut up. We can just unfuse again,_ Amaya responded.

_Maybe Yoki has some advantages we don't? Wasn't her HP and MP really high?_

_...I didn't notice that._

_Well I did,_ Maya thought.  _I thought it was a glitch, but maybe... maybe it's something special about her?_

 _Some sorta super-body?_ Amaya thought sarcastically.  _Suuurree that makes sense._

 _No- it seemed..._ Maya paused.  _Roughly, it looked like our two stats together. Added. Maybe...?_

 _...two fused together to be a combined one? I... suppose... it would explain the glitch, the game would freak out,_ Amaya thought.

_Exactly! Which just means we need to figure out how to make the game recognize it!_

 

"But I don't WANT to BE her! Super-stats or not!" Amaya exploded, drawing glances from the people passing by. She quieted her voice and said harshly, "I don't want to be pathetic and useless, and with no class she  _is_ useless. There's no point!"

"The point is we'll be one person. And we can always unfuse to fight," Maya said calmly.

"...no. I won't be Yoki. I refuse," Amaya said, walking off.

 

Maya just sighed and let herself be pulled along. Even if it was possible to regain that form... if Amaya was so set against it... it'd never work.

But she wouldn't forget. There  _was_ a way to fix their broken mind and body. They just needed to find a way.

But first, she needed Amaya to realize she couldn't run away from her past...


	8. Necessities of Living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls are still stuck in their self-hating suicidalism, when Amaya makes a drastic decision...
> 
> (note: lots of suicidal reasoning and thinking in this chapter.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (note: lot of societal thinking in this one.)

The girls got the gold from the bank, and walked back to the stall where Marie was. She still was out of ingredients, so they bought the cheapest food and walked off, both lost in thought...

 

 _I won't go back. I won't. I refuse_ Amaya thought.

 _We can't stay this way... we can't LIVE this way. Why can't she see that?!_ Maya thought.

_I'll just be a pathetic burden on society again..._

_We'll just be useless unless we can fuse..._

_I just don't get why she can't see it that way_ they both thought.

 

Eventually they reached the building they were calling home, and climbed up to the top floor again. The firewood they had collected was still there, so they silently lit the fire and lied down to go to sleep, their scarf tied around their ankles. 

 

But neither of them could fall asleep, too lost in thought. 

 

 

 

 _She's just worthless, useless_ ," Amaya thought. " _Couldn't even keep herself alive...._

She pictured Yoki in her mind, sitting hunched over her computer, too absorbed in her game to remember that she hadn't eaten in a few days, hadn't slept since dawn yesterday. On her desk was piled wrappers of protein bars, on her floor clothes long unwashed and long discarded. Yoki herself looked just as dilapidated- her body long unwashed, her black hair thick with grease, her clothes stained from weeks of wear. But most pathetic of all was the soulless gaze she had, a look so empty it seemed to be dead. 

 

 

 _How is she still alive..._  Amaya thought. _...because she's too weak to die_   she replied to herself. _She's too selfish... she can't see... that her existence is a burden... she eats food others could use... has an apartment others need... a job that others could actually do properly... she doesn't deserve any of what she has... she doesn't deserve the air she breathes.... how could a nigh-NEET like her do anything useful? It's impossible... she'll never amount to anything..._

 

 

_It's better if people like her just didn't exist..._

 

Amaya paused for a minute, then looked down. "... I don't deserve to exist..." she whispered to herself, too quiet for Maya to hear. 

 

 

 

But she did hear. She just had no good reply.

_We're so weak... we can't do anything... if we were just stronger... we could help people... but like this... we can do nothing..._

She paused for a long time, staring lifelessly at the campfire. Eventually, she thought,  _Maybe Amaya is right... maybe... it's better if we never returned to Yoki... she was so weak..._

She curled up a little bit, and thought,  _but I'm even weaker... I can't even muster up the will too keep going... if not for Amaya... I'd just curl up here and die, and never leave the moon..._

She gave a shuttering sigh, and shook her head as tears came to her eyes.  _No, I don't deserve to cry... I don't deserve to be upset... I'm weak, I need to accept that... crying won't help... I just... I need to try to be stronger..._

 

But even to her own ears that sounded hollow. The words were not driven by any amount of altruism, but a selfishness to feel better about oneself... it was worse than being useless... it was being evil. And she knew it. Doing something just to feel good about herself... one could not be more selfish...

 

 _If I live, I just take away resources others need_ the girls thought  _but if I die...?  Will that redeem my life, to simply disappear?_

 

"No," Amaya whispered. "I refuse to think that's true. We've got to be able to do something of our lives besides dying. We  _have_ to."

Maya rolled over to look at her. "Like what?" she said, her voice too tired to speak louder than a whisper.

"...helping others," Amaya said, but she fell silent, not convinced by her own words.

"Ha," Maya said, "Isn't that just selfishness? To help others, just to justify our right to live?"

"You got a better plan?" Amaya shot back.

Maya looked down. "Just dying... stop making other's care for us..."

"We don't reply on anyone here," Amaya pointed out. "We hunt respawning monsters... we buy food no-one wants... we sleep in an abandoned building... it's not like Yoki... draining resources better spent elsewhere... we can survive without anyone here."

 

Maya paused. "True," she said slowly. "But... why waste the effort? Why even try?"

It was Amaya's turn to look down. "I don't know," she said quietly. "But maybe... maybe we can do something... to earn our right to live..."

"Like what!?" Maya said with a harsh laugh. "We're pathetic! We can't even become whole!"

"I don't want to be whole!" Amaya snapped. "I just want to be useful! And Yoki's useless- and so are you!" she said fiercely, pushing the scarf off her foot roughly. She got one last glimpse of Maya's shocked face before it dropped to pure blankness.

 

Amaya rolled over and turned her back to Maya's lifeless body. "I won't be burdened by her weakness," she thought. "If she doesn't want to live, well fine, she doesn't have to. I'll just leave her here... she can be asleep like she wants..."

 

She felt some guilt, but she didn't care. It was better this way... to cut off that doubt, that fear... she could survive... on her own... 

 

 

Amaya eventually drifted off to sleep, but twisted all night with nightmares of Maya staring at her with miserable eyes, asking her, "Why Amaya? Why would you do this to me? I thought... I thought you loved me... I'm your sister-self... how could... how could you do this to me? Do you hate me this much?" 

 

Amaya couldn't reply.

 

 

Eventually, she woke up and looked over at Maya again. She was still lying exactly as she was last night, with one hand outstretched towards Amaya. Amaya felt a twinge of guilt, but quickly shoved it down. "I can't think about it... I got to just move forward. I'm better off without her..."

 

She got up, and ate her tasteless breakfast quickly, swallowing without chewing to avoid the awful taste. Once that was accomplished, she went out to the forest to hunt monsters.

 

 

At first, she was happy.  _I can finally level!_ she thought with joy.  _I'm not stuck fighting level-30 creeps, I can go after my level-50s!_   She gleefully cut through the ranks of Brier Weasels, slowly gaining experience. She reveled in the ability to use her dodge skills properly, dashing back and forth too fast to be hit.  _Now this is an assassin!_ she thought, grinning widely.

 

She fought herself to utter exhaustion, ending late into the night. She smiled to see just how much EXP and gold she'd earned, and walked back to town, whistling. "Now just gotta deposit, then I'm all set!" she said, walking over to the bank. 

 

She deposited the gold, but felt a stab of pain when the clerk asked about Maya. "Where's your friend?" he asked.

"She's sleeping," Amaya snapped back. She roughly turned away and stalked away, leaving a very confused clerk behind.

 

She strode to the building, berating herself for the tears that came to her eyes.  _Why the hell am I crying?! I'm stronger than this! I have nothing to mourn! I made my decision, now I just have to move forward!_

 

She walked up to the fifth level again, and saw Maya's body still lying in the same place as before. She looked away, then grabbed the firewood and headed down a level. She'd just leave that body there to rot, she didn't care. She didn't.

 

That night, she plagued by nightmares again, but Maya seemed weaker. She kept asking for water, saying the heat was making her thirsty. 

Amaya ignored her.

 

The next day passed the same way, and the next. She woke, she ate, she fought, she slept. Amaya felt a hollowness inside her growing, but she ignored it.  _I have to live. I have to. I have to be stronger. I won't be that weak girl I once was. I'll be better. I will. I have to._

 

Then while she was walking home on that third day, her world went black.

 


	9. Meaning of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back once again on the moon, the girl walks forward into the sea, determined to stay there this time. 
> 
> But she cannot find peace here, cannot simply sleep. But she cannot muster up a will to keep going.
> 
> Until a thought comes to her, and she wonders if perhaps, she could live that way...
> 
> (warning: lots of suicidal thinking and suicide attempt.)

A girl sank into dark water, watching impassively the moon shining overhead. She did not blink, she did not breathe. She just sank, and waited for it all to be over.

She could hear muffled voices shouting, then a crash as someone dove into the lake. She felt someone grab her arm, and start swimming towards the surface. Part of her groaned inwardly, but none of her resisted. 

She simply couldn't care.

 

They surfaced, the girl and her rescuer, and locked an arm under her shoulders and swam towards the shore. He huffed and puffed as he swam, as the girl was nothing but dead weight.

Eventually they reached the shore, and the man dragged her onto the shore. "What were you doing, diving into the lake in winter?! Were you trying to die?!"

The girl did not respond, staring at him with dead eyes. Realization eventually dawned on his face, and with it, revulsion. He started cursing her out, calling her a waste of time, berating himself for saving her. He contemptuously turned his back on her, and strode off, still muttering angrily to himself.

 

The girl didn't care.

 

She lay there on the cold ground until a policeman came by and told her to leave. "You're disturbing the peace. Go home."

Wordlessly, the girl picked herself up and walked slowly out of the park, towards her apartment. She did not shiver, despite the ice-cold air, she did not react to the shouts and car horns around her. She just walked, a marionette without strings, towards her "home."

 

 

Eventually she reached it, and pushed aside the door. Still struck to the front was the rent notice, and below it a eviction warning. The girl did not seem to even see them as she swung the door open and entered.

 

She walked stiltedly towards her computer and powered it on, sitting down. She clicked a few times, and soon the screen of  _Elder Tale_ lit up her empty eyes, and illuminated the dark room. 

She started playing, not even aware of what she was doing. On one computer she opened up her main account, Amaya, and on another she opened the alt., Maya. She controlled them both like she always did, effortlessly looking between the two screens. 

But though her eyes moved, they never lost their dull sheen, and her face never changed. Water melted and dripped down her body, but she reacted as a statue would. In the distance, a clock struck eleven, and she mused that soon the update for the game would be released.

 _At least I'll have something to do until they come tomorrow..._ she thought.

 

 

She played the game, leveling up in the Depth of the Palm, and paused when she Maya finally hit level 38. She sat back, watching her screen, her face as impassive as before. 

She stared at the screen, unmoving, uncaring, until the clock struck midnight.

 

* _Flash*_

 

* * *

 

 

Water lapsed on the soft sand shore, the ethereal blue glow illuminating the nighttime land. A girl walked, strode forward, entering the shining waves. 

 

She walked, and walked, until her feet could no longer touch the bottom, till she floated where she was. She swam out for a minute, trying to reach the distant stars, but eventually stopped, not caring enough to continue. There, she sank.

 

She drifted down through the water, gazing up at the stars and crystals above. The only thought that crossed her mind was one of peace, of finality. Finally, she could sleep.

 

Slowly she reached the bottom of the calm sea, and sat looking up at the sky. She did not breathe, but she found she did not need to. It was like she was already asleep, but still she dreamed.

 

The girl curled up on the bottom of the sea, and closed her eyes. She lay there, waiting for sleep.

 

Time passed, She did not know how much time. But finally, she opened her eyes. 

 

She could not sleep. She could not dream. She could not die, not here.

 

 _I'll just wait then,_ she thought.  _Time will stop eventually, it always does. Until then, I will stay here..._

 

She lay there, and lay there, and time passed quickly, slowly, immeasurably. She stared straight ahead at the dappling light on the bottom of the sea, staring but seeing nothing at all.

 

 

But from somewhere, a thought tugged at her mind.  _Go back_ it said.  _Live again_.

 

 _No_ she replied.  _I have no need to. I have no want to. Let me stay here. Let me sleep._

 

But the thought would not go away. It tugged and tugged, and refused to let the girl rest. She sighed, bubbles rising from her mouth. Water rushed in, filled her lungs.  _Just like that night..._ she thought.

 

And like that night, it burned like fire. The pain consumed her, and with no guarantee of an end, it became unbearable. 

 

The girl stood up, and swam to the surface.

 

 

She breached the top of the waves, and coughed heavily. Water gushed from her mouth, and after eons, the coughing ended and the burning subsided. 

She treaded water for awhile, then eventually swam to the shore. She pulled herself up onto the sand, and lay down.

 

Time passed. Eons passed. And still, the thought tugged at her, again and again.  _Go back_ it said.  _You have to go back_. 

"No I don't," she whispered to the night. "I can stay here. Let me remain here..."

It wasn't the ceasing of existence she wanted, but it was the next best thing. A place she could sleep, and sleep, and sleep- wait, no. A place she could not dream. 

Could not remember.

 

But the world would not grant her even that much.

 

Images came flashing to her mind. Her parents screaming at her, insults, rebukes, judgements. School, being called on, being laughed at. The streets, where she lived till she could scrounge up enough money for a laptop, where she finally got a job doing programming. And finally, her apartment, a shabby little thing, but all she could hope to keep.

 

The girl's shoulders hitched, and tears ran down her face like rain.  _No, please, go away, just go away..._

 

But the images wouldn't go away, any more than the tugging voice would. The girl cried, and cried, and screamed for it all to go away, but nothing would ease the voices, the pain.

 

 

After an endless amount of time, everything seemed to go numb, and stop. The girl, cried out beyond any human limit, lay staring at the sand, dead to the world. She did not breathe, she did not see- but still, she lived. The memories that played behind her eyes no longer induced pain, they were as meaningless as the life she had. And though the voice tugged, she ignored it as well.

 

Everything was... meaningless.

 

She lay there, dead in body and mind, until a new thought crept up on her.  _Why do you want to die?_

She blinked, surprised.  _Why?_ she replied.  _Why wouldn't I? I'm a failure... a burden... a worthless demon... why should I live? Why would I WANT to live?_

 _It's only human to want to survive_ the voice replied.

The girl shook her head. "I'm not human," she whispered. "I'm a demon."

 _Even demons live_.

 _Not this one_ she replied.  _Let me sleep. Stop trying to convince me to go on._

_Do you really think you can be a worthless lump and get away with it?_

The girl scowled.  _Don't guilt me. It won't work. Here, I do no harm. I take from no one, I harm no one._

_No, before all this. You were merely a burden. Do you think you won't be punished for that?_

"Punished how?" she asked. "By not being able to die? I already knew that... is this is the closest death I can have, then so be it."

_Will you be happy that way?_

The girl paused. "It's not about happiness," she whispered. "It's about disappearing. I don't- I shouldn't be alive."

_But will you be satisfied lying here to the end of time?_

"Yes," she said stubbornly. She rolled over onto her side, and stared at a different patch of sand.

 

_If that's true, why am I here?_

The girl blinked, then frowned.  _I don't know_ she thought.  _I don't want to live. I haven't since I was born, and no-one else wanted me to live either. Why ARE you here?_

_Because you don't want to die a failure._

The girl blinked, sat up. "I- but-" she was at a lost for words.

_You know I'm right. You don't want to die a burden to society. You want to redeem your life some way. You want to not harm people by existing. Isn't that why you want to die? To stop feeling the guilt? You won't here. You need to ease your conscious before you can sleep._

 

The girl simply started to cry again, softer this time. "I just want to sleep! Why can't I sleep?!"

_Because demons like you never get peace._

 

"Demons... like me..." she said, looking down. She stared at her hands, pale in the starlight. Who was she? She didn't care. It didn't matter.

 

_Why do I want to live? I... I don't know. I just know... I don't want to die, not really... I just... I just want to be at peace..._

_But I never will be, will I? I'll always feel this empty ache, this endless pain... it never ends, does it? Even here... I cannot escape it..._

_...I ran away to_ Elder Tale _to escape the pain... but now... I have no escape..._

 

 

"Except living," she whispered. "Maybe... that can be my new distraction. If I fight, and train, and just forget- then the pain will end..."

Part of her knew that was no answer, none at all, but she could come to no other. She just wanted the pain to end. She thought death would do it, but she was dead, and still she could not sleep...

 

 _That can't be the answer_ she thought.  _There has to be a reason to live... besides not being able to die... to sleep... there has to be..._

 

But she could think of nothing.

 

 

 

 

Eventually, an idea came to her.  _Maybe... you could... live to find a reason?_

 _That makes no sense_ she replied.  _What do you mean?_

_There has to be some meaning worth living for... you just need to find it._

_But what do I do until then?_ she asked.

_Keep going, keep searching... for now... redeem yourself..._

_I'm not that magnanimous_ she thought. _I can't keep living just to help people. I'm... I'm too weak.._

 

_What about people like you?_

 

The girl looked up. "People like me?" she whispered, but she got more response. "People like me," she said softer, looking down at her hands. 

Perhaps... perhaps she  _could_ help people like her... in the old world... she could do nothing... she couldn't even take care of herself... but here...

"I can be a hero here," she said softly. A ghost of a smile flickered to her face. Yes, helping people... people like her... she could manage that... she could  _do_ that. She could live... that way.

 

 

The girl stood up, and walked to the edge of the water. She pulled out her hair, and tore off some strands. She stood, ready to drop them into the waves, when she said, 

 

"I, Yoki, promise to keep on living... promise to search for meaning till I find it... promise to help people like me, who need a reason to keep going. Let the moon be my witness," she said, dropping the strands.

 

And the world went white...


	10. Becoming Whole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alive again, the girls fight over what just happened, over who exactly wanted to live, to die. But eventually they come to an agreement, and decide to try something new...

Amaya and Maya woke up on the Cathedral floor, holding hands. They sat up slowly, then Maya turned to Amaya, fire in her eyes.

"What the hell Amaya?! What were you  _thinking?!_ "

"I was thinking I couldn't keep living while you were trying to die!" Amaya exploded, drawing glances from the adventurer's outside. The girls ignored them.

"I wasn't trying to die, I was trying to fuse!" Maya snapped. "You keep trying to deny you're not Yoki, you are!"

"I'm better than her!" Amaya yelled. "I'm not so weak I try to kill myself  _on the moon!_ "

"You did so- we were both there, together! Don't try to deny it!" Maya said, glaring at Amaya.

"But I was the one trying to live!" Amaya protested.

"No you weren't! I was! You're the one obsessed with being a burden! I just want to help people!" Maya accused.

"No you're not, you're the one who just wants to sleep!"

 

The girls glared at each other, silent.  _I hate you_ they both thought. Amaya humphed. "Well we agree on  _something"_

"Ya well we ARE one person you moron," Maya said.

Amaya looked away and gritted her teeth. "I  _know_ we're one person. I just don't want to be  _her_. I don't want to be Yoki!"

"Why do you hate her so much?!" Maya shouted, throwing her free hand in the air in exasperation.

"Because she just wants to die!" Amaya exclaimed. "And I don't! I want to live!"

"No you don't," Maya said darkly. "Neither of us do. You just delude yourself into thinking otherwise."

Amaya looked away. "I want to make things right," she said quietly. "Why is that so bad?"

"It's not," Maya said, voice softening. "I want to also. I just don't think we can... like this."

Amaya looked at her. "And we could as her? She could barely convince herself to come back here!"

"But she  _did_ convince herself. Come on Amaya. At least try? Please? You're the one resisting and you know it."

Amaya sighed. "Fine. But I really don't think she can do anything," she said.

"Can't know till we try, huh?" Maya said.

 

"But how do we do it? We tried the running thing earlier," Amaya said.

Maya bit her lip. "Maybe... I think it's a mental thing, really. I think we just have to... think of ourselves as one person."

"That's way too simple," Amaya protested. 

Maya shrugged. "Maybe. But worth a shot?" she said.

Amaya heaved a sigh. "Fine, fine. But let's get out of here, and go somewhere no one is staring."

Maya nodded. 

 

The girls got up, and walked to the building they'd been calling home. Once they got there, Maya huffed, "We need to get a real home. Maybe a guild hall?"

Amaya tilted her head. "Maybe," she said. "We didn't need one before, obviously, but now it could be nice... but we're living here just fine."

Maya looked at her deadpan. "I want a bed Amaya. We can't have one here."

"Touche," Amaya replied.

 

They went up to the top floor, and turned to face one another. "So now what?" Amaya asked. 

"I think... let's stand close together... and try to think concurrently," Maya suggested. She stepped forward to press against Amaya, and leaned her forehead against hers.

Amaya pulled Maya into a hug, thinking all the while that this was stupid- and embarrassing too. She was glad no one could see them like this.

 

 _Can you hear me?_ Maya thought. Amaya hummed.

_Reading loud and clear. Now how do we do that concurrency thing?_

_Maybe focus on the same thing? Let's try repeating, "I'm Yoki," over and over again._

Amaya made a face, but she went along with it.  _I'm Yoki, I'm Yoki_

 _I'm Yoki, I'm Yoki_ Maya replied.

 _I'm Yoki... I'm Yoki... I'm Yoki..._ they thought, chanting it over and over again in their minds.

 _This isn't working!!_ Amaya eventually thought, scrunching up her face.  _This is stupid, this will never work!!_

 _Yes it will! We KNOW it can!! We just have to focus!!_ Maya replied.

"But I don't WANT to be Yoki!" Amaya exploded, pulling back.

Maya rolled her eyes and sighed. "Then no  _wonder_ it isn't working. You have to accept it!"

"But I don't want to! I don't want to be that weak girl anymore!"

 

"Then be the strong one!" Maya exclaimed. "Be the one who came back! The one who wants to save the world!"

Amaya blinked, then looked to the side. "But she's a kid," Amaya replied.

"So?" Maya countered. "Does that really matter, here?"

Amaya thought for a minute, then said slowly, "No... I suppose not. It's not like adventuring has a age restriction."

Maya nodded energetically. "Exactly! Focus on that!"

Amaya took a deep breathe, then faced Maya with a determinded look. "Okay! Let's do this again!"

"That's the spirit!" Maya said, clanking her forehead against Amaya's again.

 _Ow_ Amaya thought playfully.

 _Oh shush. Focus_ Maya replied.

 

Amaya nodded, and closed her eyes. 

She pictured Yoki on the beach of the moon, seeing her as from an outsider's view. She frowned.  _She looks so pathetic..._

 _Don't focus on that part. Focus on the young version. When we dreamed we could save the world_ Maya thought, picturing that. Young Yoki, standing on a bench and declaring herself a superhero with the power of imagination, daring anyone to ask her to solve any problem. 

Amaya chuckled.  _Ya, we were silly. Didn't we get pulled off by Mom?_

_Think so. But ignore that part, focus on the triumphant kid!_

 

They did so, but as before, nothing happened. Amaya's face slowly dropped, until she said, "No, no, this is all wrong... this isn't us Maya."

Maya opened her eyes and looked at Amaya. "What do you mean?" she asked.

Amaya bit her lip. "We... we aren't a child. We're an adult. We need... we need to think of ourselves that way. Not... the fantasy version of the past.

It was Maya's turn to look troubled. "But she's weak..." she said.

"That's my line," Amaya said with a grin. Then she grew serious again, and said, "We need to accept that we're Yoki, good and bad. The hopeful part... and the sad part."

 

"What do you suggest?" Maya asked.

Amaya thought for a moment, then said, "Let's think of her... when we decided to move forward on the beach."

Maya nodded slowly. "Okay. Let's try it."

 

 

The girls closed their eyes again, and pictured the scene, Yoki staring up at the stars, hair in hand. _I... promise to keep on living... to search for meaning... to help people like me to keep going...._

 

_..._

 

_I promise to  help people..._

 

The girl's breathe slowed to match the other's, their hearts beat together as one. They echoed their promise in their mind, their solemn vow to themselves and the world. 

And slowly, their form started to ripple, to dissolve. A cloud of particles swirled, and dissipated, leaving in it's wake a meek, human girl.

 

 

She opened her eyes, and looked down at herself. "...it's me," she whispered. "Yoki."


	11. Putting Down Roots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now whole, Yoki strikes out to start making a place for herself in the world and to start on her quest.

Yoki turned her hands over and over. "I'm back," she said. She took a deep breathe, and smiled. "It's good to be... myself... again." She chuckled, and added, "And nice to be a human, as well. Having an odd body was wearing on me."

She looked down and scrunched up her face. "Speaking of stuff wearing on me... how about I get rid of their clothes..."

 

She quickly stripped off Amaya and Maya's outfits, revealing a simple sweater and sweatpants underneath. She smiled. "My old outfit..." she muttered. It brought back good memories and bad, of many hours of staring at the computer screen playing  _Elder Tale_. "A comfy way to live," she said, flexing her socked feet and rocking back and forth. She chuckled, and added, "Even if it's a bit warm for sweats."

 

She put the outfits into her magic bag, then looked around. "Now what..." she muttered.

 

 

Absently, she walked up the stairs onto the roof. There, a soft breeze mussed her short, messy hair, blowing it into her eyes. She brushed it away unthinkingly, and looked out over the city.

 

She saw the city with new eyes; not the pragmatic view of Amaya or the idealistic view of Maya, but her own romantic view. She saw a city in ruins, turned beautiful by greenery, a place of death now become a place of life. She saw a place of bustling people, all intent on being the heroes of their own stories, helping one another along the way. She saw... she saw a home to all kinds, from the productive to the lazy, the successful to the loser. "A world with no rules," she said quietly. "No systems, no structures. Nothing to help you, nothing to hinder you. Here... I can forge my own path."

 

She looked out, and spied the Guild Hall in the distance. She stared at it, and tilted her head. "The guild hall... home to many players... except loners like me... well... I  _do_ have a guild," she said, pausing. She forgot easily that she was in a guild, since it existed merely to share items between players. 

 

Yoki blinked, then said, "Wait... I have a guild hall... don't I..."

 

In all the excitement, she'd plain forgot. She'd only bought the hall to exchange items between Amaya and Maya, and hadn't used it in months. Actually, come to think of it, it must have expired by now. "But I could easily buy one again... it's only 35 gold a month after all... and that way, I can have something besides this building to sleep in..."

 

It seemed as good a plan as any to her. 

 

She gave a firm nod, and said, "And it will be putting down roots in this new world. If I am to stay, and really strive to make a difference, then I need to have a home base. I can't stay homeless forever." 

 

 _Like before_ a thought said. Yoki sighed. "Yes, like before," she muttered, thinking back to that dark time, when she couldn't even afford a place to sleep. "I instinctively returned to what I knew... earning just enough money to eat... sleeping in abandoned places... calling no place home... because I didn't want to admit that this was real life, not some game..."

 

She shook her head. "I won't fall into the traps of yesterday," she said. "I will make a new path, this time, and try to do better. Now- let's go!" she said, turning on her heel and striding down the stairs and out the building's door.

 

 

 

 

She walked confidently through the city, experiencing it in a new light. She passed other adventurer's heading out of town, giving them a smile and wave. They greeted her in return, staring slightly before turning and walking away. She didn't mind the looks, though it took her awhile to figure out their meaning: her clothes. She was wearing Earth clothes, not  _Elder Tale_ ones. "Must wonder where I got sweatpants in a place like this," she muttered.

 

Still, she felt light and free, smiling easier than she ever did at home. Occasionally she was stopped by players, asking exactly how she was wearing such abnormal clothes, and she told them she just spawned with them on. They gave her a dubious look, but she just assured them she had no clue how it happened. It was true enough, she didn't know why she spawned with them.

 

She chatted easily with them, finding out a little bit about their lives. It seemed that the news of the ingredients had spread, and now many players were going off hunting for new ones. "Some of the monsters round here drop food," a player- Edrick- explained. "The vendors are all out, so we have to go hunting now."

"Hmm," Yoki said. "Well, I'm glad people have found something to do..."

Edrick laughed. "You mean besides grinding? It's more of the same!" He calmed a little, and said thoughtfully, "Still, it is good to see more people farming, even if it makes finding monsters harder. The city still feels..."

"Despondent?" Yoki said. 

Edrick nodded, "Ya, something along those lines. Too many people just lounging around," he said. He gave Yoki a critical look, and said, "What're you doing?"

"Going to get a guild hall," she replied. "I want a place to permanently stay. I'll go monster hunting later," she said.  _If I can,_ she thought. She had forgotten she was a no-class...

 

Edrick caught the sudden worried look on Yoki's face, and said hurriedly, "Hey, not tryin to criticize. Not everyone hunts anyways, I know. Is your guild a production one?" he asked.

Yoki paused and thought. Her guild wasn't  _anything_ currently, but she could probably do that. "Yes," she said hesitantly. "We're small right now, so we can't do raids. Still need to find our niche, ya know?"

He nodded. "The small guilds all seem to have that issue now. Have you thought of joining a real one?"

Yoki frowned. "We are a real one... just small. Though, Roderick made the same offer, so we may join his eventually."

Edrick raised an eyebrow. "Roderick? He has a fairly influential guild. How'd you manage to impress him?"

Yoki thought quickly- explaining would take  _far_ too long. "Let's just saw I spawned weirdly. He wants to know why I am the way I am."

Edrick nodded. "I can see why. What  _is_ the Player class anyways?"

Yoki blinked rapidly, then opened her menu. Sure enough, it said Class: Player. "I have no clue," she said. "It didn't list a class before."

Edrick wrinkled his brow. "You  _are_ odd. Well, I'll let Roderick figure you out. See ya later, strange girl," he said, raising a hand in farewell.

"Bye!" Yoki called back, absently.

 

 

She started walking toward the Guild Hall again, staring at her menu all the while. She nearly ran into people a couple of times, earning irritated glances, but she ignored them. She had to figure this out.

 

"Player class, huh..." she muttered. "And level 91. Why on Earth...?" 

 

She wasn't sure which surprised her more, the class or the level. She thought about it, furrowing her brow. "I should be level  _one_ , not ninty-one. That's like Amaya and Maya's combined levels... wait..." she did a quick mental calculation, stopping dead in her tracks. "That  _is_ Amaya and Maya's level together!" she said, earning curious glances from the people around her.

Blushing, she rushed forward again, thinking rapidly. The clothes, the inventory, now the level... "I really am a fusion of them," she muttered.

 

But something was bothering her. Why was she a human? "I should be a weredwarf," she muttered. "Or one or the other? Why am I human? And the Player class... it doesn't make sense..."

 

 

Before she could figure it out, she reached the Guild Hall. She saw the same hubbub of people, a lot still at the guild registration table, which had a long line. As before, most seemed low-level, except for a few.

She waited patiently in line, and listened in to the conversations of the others. She knew it was rude to eavesdrop, but the mass recruiting of weaker players bugged her.  _It can't just be_ _magnanimous_ she thought.  _Can it?_

One of the higher-level players- Passhita- was talking to a low-level player- Isuzu. "Do not worry about battling," Passhita said. "We will have our members protecting you, and you will be part of a group."

"Okay, that sounds okay!" Isuzu said. "It will be more fun to be part of a group, instead of being alone. And maybe I can find someone else to perform with," she said with a giggle.

"Well, you won't have much time for fun," Passhita said. Though at seeing Isuzu's crestfallen face, he hurriedly assured her, "But I'm sure a clever girl like you will find some time. But you may be sick of singing after a full day of fighting!"

Isuzu shook her head. "I'll never grow tired of music. And here, I can play all the time, just like my dad!"

Passhita nodded, and the conversation trailed off to other things.

 

 _Seems okay,_ Yoki thought. But still, she had a sense of unease.  _I'll just ask_.

 

She walked over to Passhita, and said, "You the guys helping low-level adventurer's. Pretty nice of you," she said.

He looked a little caught of guard, and for a second his face darkened. Then he rubbed the back of his head and chuckled nervously. "We are magnanimous like that," he said. "Hamelin want's to help anyone who needs it!" 

 _Hamelin_ Yoki thought.  _Same as those other two... is it just them recruiting players?_

"Well, if you ever want some help, my guild is looking to help out players too. We're not sure quite how, but we can at least help with battling," she said.

He looked genuinely surprised at the offer, and said, "I'm sure that won't be necessary-" 

"That sounds wonderful!" Isuzu said. She looked at Passhita and said, "You guys could probably use the help, given how many of us there are!"

Passhita looked like he wanted to bolt to the nearest hole, making Yoki even more suspicious. "I- it's not necessary. Our guild has been working a long time on this plan, and a busybody- er, taking someone new in would simply cause more problems. Besides, I need to ask the guild master," he said, looking grateful for an out.

"You should ask him," Yoki said. Then she shrugged, and added, "It's just an offer. If you change your mind, just ask. We should probably become friends to make that easier," she said.

Passhita looked really startled at that statement, and stammered, "I- that would- my friend list is full enough," he said. "And I don't even know you! So back off, okay?!" he said, spinning on his heel and walking off. "Come on Isuzu! I'll show you the guild hall."

Isuzu gave Yoki a parting, puzzling look, then trotted off after him.

 

"Well that was weird," Yoki said.  _He sure didn't want me to meddle,_ she thought.  _I wonder why...?_

She had an uneasy feeling about it, but there was little she could do but wait and watch. In the meantime, she had to attend to her own business.

 

 

Eventually she reached the front of the line, and bought the cheapest guild hall available, a little three-room place. She was surprised there were no one-room ones, but she supposed that few guilds were as tiny as hers.  _Not many one-man band guilds_ she thought with a chuckle.

 

 

 She walked up the stairs and through the endless hallway of doors, until she finally found the one with her guild's name on the info box. She put her hand on the handle, and took a deep breathe.  _No going back now... this is my place now. Time to make it a home_.

 

 

She threw open the door, and walked into a bare, white room with scarcely a stick of furniture. She turned around and around, and said, "Well, it needs work... but I think I can manage that," she said. "All I need is a carpenter." 

She thought back to something, and a ghost of a smile came to her face. "I think I know exactly where to go," she said.

 

 

"Excuse me," she said. A half-alv boy looked up, dejection written on his face. 

"If you're telling me to move, forget it," he said, voice weary. He pointed up at a poster above his head: "Carpenter: Will work for room and board," and said, "I'm not leaving this."

Yoki gave him a sympathetic look. "Can't find a guild to employ you?"

He shook his head. "Too weak. I'm level  _eleven_ , I just started...." he stared down at his hands. "I don't even know how to make furniture. I've only played for a week... I... I don't know what to do," he said, the last part so quietly Yoki could barely catch it.

 

"Well, you're in luck!" she said cheerily, making him look up at her. "I just got a guild hall, and I need  _any_ furniture you can make. There's no bed- obviously- but it's a roof and I'll provide food and wood for you. Sound good?"

He stared at her, hope glimmering in  his eyes. "Really? You'd take me on? I- I can't promise I'll make anything of value quickly, but..."

Yoki waved her hand. "Take your time. Paying for food is nothing compared to the prices most guilds charge, I'm getting a bargain. Consider it practice for when you can start selling things."

The lad threw back his head laughing, and said, "You're a strange one! But you will be getting free labor, so I get it. Well, I'll take it. I can't kill any monsters, so I need any food, even the tasteless mush."

Yoki grimaced. "Ya, I'd offer real food but they're all sold out. I'll probably go food hunting while you work..." she said absently, getting lost in thought.

"Well I appreciate it- I didn't catch your name. I'm Sam," he said, extending a hand.

Yoki grasped it firmly, and said, "I'm Yoki, guild master of The Problem Solvers. Welcome aboard." 


End file.
